HIT THE GYM

No porn fan wants to watch an unfit man bone a hottie like Madison Ivy. Consider Cross-Fit, or P90x, or getting off the f*cking couch for once in your life. Get motivated to drop some lbs and gain sick muscle mass. Don’t forget Tuesday is leg day, bro.

MASTER THE ART OF PUBE CONTROL

You may think that you keep in control down there. But there’s always room to improve on your skills. Deforest that jungle to make your junk look bigger & better, or even go the extra mile and throw in some pube art. Show us you’re serious by shaving a giant Brazzers ZZ into your man-muff or something.

Safadas

BE ABLE TO C*M ON COMMAND

This point is huge. You never known when you’ll need to pull off the legendary money shot. You have to get your c*ck ready to blow at any moment. Practice this at home, in church, or even while grocery shopping. Make sure your dick can take any uncomfortable situation you throw at it.

LEARN HOW TO PLEASE A WOMAN

Technique is key. Master the arts of sexual activity and you will find sweet porn bliss!

BE ABLE TO KEEP IT HARD ALL DAY, IN FRONT OF A BUNCH OF DUDES

Do you feel the dream fading away? Good, because reality is coming at you fists swinging. Not only do you have to c*m on command, but you gotta get your schlong standing at erection all day long in front of some sweaty dudes holding camera gear silently chastising you in their minds.

Famosas nuas

Well that’s a wrap dudes – with these above tips, you should be set to take on the world. Oh and p.s. we do not accept dick pics on Facebook as applications.